I will be presenting the HOW TO ACHIEVE A GOOD DIVORCE seminar on TUESDAY November 29, 2011. Topics include :

Understanding the difference between the emotional divorce and the legal divorce

Working with your lawyer and

How to create a supportive professional network.

Separation is difficult , its  a transition..it’s about change and change is difficult. This workshop is designed to help people navigate the unchartered and murky waters of separation and divorce. It will give you guidance and objectivity and hopefully help you find your way to a healthier new beginning.

PLEASE OPEN ATTACHED FLYER LINK ABOVE FOR MORE INFORMATION

Information

Where: Biagio Ristorante (55 King Street East, Toronto, 416.366.4040)

When: May 4th Exploring your Pathway to Parenthood

May 5th Alternative Family Building seminar

Cocktails begin at 6:00

Seated dinner and presentation at 6:30

Cost: $40 per person / $70 per couple includes cocktail & dinner

Presented by

Fertility Centers of Illinois (FCI) located in Chicago, Illinois, offers comprehensive medical and infertility services to patients seeking to build their families through egg donation, sperm donation and/or surrogacy. Patients experience superior medical care and excellent success rates, with world-renowned fertility doctors and scientists. FCI has 2 amazing IVF laboratories to provide superior science including FCI RN IVF Laboratory and aParent IVF Laboratory. Together, optimal fertility care includes options for blastocyst transfer, elective single embryo transfer, and Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis.

Lotus Blossom Consulting (LBC) serves as patient advocate to guide patients through egg donation and surrogacy arrangements. Through exponentially expanded pools of available egg donors and surrogates LBC matches clients from all over the world in shortened time frame. LBC also pulls together teams of unbiased professionals, including attorneys, insurance agents, financial and estate planners to compliment the surrogacy arrangement. FCI and LBC have joined forces to promote options and opportunities for family building. This strategic alliance enables the intended parent(s) to streamline all the ancillary components of family building under one umbrella, helping you to successfully achieve your pathway to parenthood.

Speakers

Angeline Beltsos, M.D. is double board-certified in OB/GYN (Loyola University) and Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility (Washington University). Dr. Beltsos is Medical Director and one of the Managing Partners of Fertility Centers of Illinois (FCI).

Mindy Berkson, B.A. is Founder of Lotus Blossom Consulting. Mindy’s mission is to arm patients with resources to make the best choices for surrogacy arrangements. As an advocate, Mindy helps navigate all the elements involved in third party reproduction.

Jan Silverman co-founded the first Canadian infertility support network, Infertility Facts & Feelings. She established the Infertility Support and Education Program at Women’s College Hospital and continues to counsel on infertility and reproductive issues.

Colleen Coughlin, MS is the Embryology Laboratory Director of aParent IVF, which works exclusively with FCI. She is nationally well recognized within the Embryology community. aParent IVF has received intensive training at several successful IVF laboratories in the United States.

 Explore motivations for egg donation and surrogacy abroad

 Provide high success rates for pregnancy and live birth at FCI

 Coordinate diagnostic and medical IVF procedures between your Toronto fertility center and FCI

 Organize the timing, coordination and facilitation of your treatment cycle

 Provide opportunities for individuals and couples to explore egg donation and surrogacy

 Consider all components necessary to accomplish the journey

 Identify surrogates with like-minded attitudes for pregnancy and egg donors who meet patient’s specific criteria

 Understand the legal environments and how selection of candidates from various states will dictate parentage

 Understand the differences in health care systems

 Garner various insurance options to mitigate financial exposure

 Implement preparation for immigration, passport, birth certificate acquisition, social security relinquishment and or dual citizenship

 Offer readily available Attain Financing Program through FCI

For instance, if you believe…

• This separation is stretching my capacity for patience and understanding
• This separation is just too stressful
• This separation is just too draining
• This separation is just too difficult
• My spouse is deliberately sabatoging the negotiating
• My spouse just wants me to suffer and be miserable
  Then guess what? It will be! All of the above mentioned situations can and will be true

  But what if you try a difference approach… what if you start believing with all your heart and soul and imagine that ….

   

• This separation requires patience, but the more quiet time I take to nurture myself, even if it’s 5 minutes a day, the more patience I seem to have
•  There is a lesson here and I need to learn from it
• This separation is stressful, but I am learning to cope with my stress every day and I can conquer it
• As I become more calm so I can respond to the separation rather than react to it
• I am the boss of me and I can choose who I want to be and how I want to behave
• I am a role model for  my children
• I am a strong, decent and evolved human being
  Remember, the story you tell will become your reality.  If you believe that your separation is just too stressful and requires an impossible amount of patience and that there is just too much venom in the given situation, then you will attract a stressful, toxic situation requiring more patience than you can muster.

Imagine your separation being a smooth transition into a new chapter of your life.

Imagine your children having two loving parents living in two seperate homes

Imagine your life being complete where you can move forward and not be stuck in the past

We have a review mirror in our car so that we can check back on  occasion so see what we have left behind  but its the huge view in front of us that we have to focus on if we want to get there safely. 

Constantly dwelling on and in the past does not move you forward…..so imagine what you want your new life to look like and focus on that. 

You have the choice to create your own reality, imagine what you want it to look like, believe it will look like that and you would have created your own destiny.

 So what is a better feeling thought you can tell yourself today?


 

My marriage ended just over 2 years ago when our boys were 10 and 7 years old and I was living the “nightmare scenario” I had hoped would never happen to me, and therein lay the first big issue.  This was always in the back of my mind; “what would happen if we get divorced with kids?”  When I first started getting the feeling that our divorce was imminent, I recall repeating to myself “I just want my boys and I to be happy” and to be perfectly honest, at that time their mother’s happiness was not one of my concerns, but I came to learn that her happiness does matter and means everything to our children.  And I have always known what I want most for my children.  I want for them to BE HAPPY.

Okay, so if this is truly what I want and believe, I must do what is necessary to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Set Your Priorities!

In order for me to be able to make my kid’s mom’s happiness important to me there were a few things I needed to do, and these were some of the most beneficial life changing lesson’s I have ever learned.  But most importantly, by implementing the following practices into my life I could see the affect on my kids was exactly what I wished for…they are happy!

• Ask for what you WANT! – There is scientific evidence that the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy effect is real.  You will manifest into your experience that which you focus repeated thought and emotion on.  So I repeat to myself over and over “I will be the best father and ex-husband I can be and I will stop at nothing to make it happen.”
• Learn to forgive – Know you are forgiving for yourself and your kids.  Practicing forgiveness will not only reap huge benefits to you, but you will be modeling an ability that your children will inherit and benefit from forever.
• BELIEVE THIS! – The very best thing I can do to ensure my children’s happiness after divorce is to LOVE THEIR MOTHER and wish nothing but the very best for her!  I’m not saying to be “in-love” but rather love her for her contribution to your life.

This last step as you can imagine, is the one I get the most reaction to, especially from men who are allowing themselves to make the ending of their marriage to be a bad experience, but for their children this is THE most important step.

Regardless of the mountain of judgments and criticisms I could make up about my kid’s mom, I can choose to be forgiving and grateful to her for carrying and giving birth to my children, and for being their mom.  This is not difficult when all I need to do is look at my kids.  What she went through both physically and emotionally giving birth to my children I will never comprehend and I can’t help but be thankful to her forever!  When I intentionally think this way the judgments and criticisms disappear.

It is simply a choice to do what it takes to create an environment for our kids that allows them flourish and be happy, and they are so worth our stepping up and letting go of our macho ego and male pride.  I put my children’s happiness at the top of my priority list and would trade my life to ensure it for them.  To forgive and love their mother requires only a small effort comparatively, but returns massive rewards to all of us that will last a lifetime.

It is okay for a dad to teach his children to be compassionate, loving, grateful and forgiving by modeling it for them and doing so multiplies exponentially his children’s chances of leading an amazingly joyful and exciting life!

On Wednesday, I received a beautiful email from a special human being. I read it, I enjoyed it and I even forwarded it on to a couple of people who I thought might appreciate it but I never thanked the person who sent it to me…..Oh I meant to, but I thought I would get around to it later.

That evening I checked out my Facebook Account and that same special human being had taken the time to make a beautiful comment on my Home page. Her comment gave me joy, pleasure and made me feel so special. I meant to thank her for taking the time out of her day to think of me and validate me and make me feel good….but I would get round to it later.

That night or early the next morning, that special soul who had touched me so gently twice in one day, passed away in her sleep. Just hours before, I had had the opportunity to acknowledge her beautiful spirit, to thank her for making me feel so special and I let that opportunity silently slip away with her in the night. I never got to tell her how her two small acts of kindness had given me such joy. I should have…..but I didn’t.

That “I should have” thought has been sitting with me for a few hours now and it took me back to just last month when we bundled our family into the car and drove 12 hours in a snow storm to attend a family celebration.  Dawn (the name of this remarkable person) and her husband were celebrating their son’s bar mitzvah and they wanted as many friends and family to be with them to join and share in this joyous occasion. People from all over the world came together to help celebrate this auspicious day.  Those warm memories and happy times made me think to myself…”Man, I am so glad I did”.

 It’s those “I am so glad I did” thoughts that warm our heart, puff out our chest and put that pep in our step.

“I am so glad I did” doesn’t have to be a 12 hour drive in a snow storm, it can be that kiss on your 18 year olds head on your way to bed or putting that extra Tootsie Roll in your son’s lunch bag. It can be an email to a friend saying “hey, want to go for coffee” or an “I love you” to your spouse or partner as you pass him that dish to dry.

The only thing in life we ever regret are our regrets, the “I should haves” or “why didn’t I’s?”

We have to remember that it’s the little things in life that accumulate into the big things just like a million small molecules make up a heavenly body. If every day we had a whole bunch of “I am so glad I did” what an impact it would have on you, the people around you, the world, the universe.

Let’s remember to inspire, motivate, encourage and support someone every day by doing one small act of kindness, one sweet word, an encouraging thought or prayer. The action may be small but the magnitude immense.

Today, my friend, I wish you a whole bunch of “I am so glad I did”.

For those reading this today, always remember …You are powerful, you are important and you are an inspiration.

Dedicated in loving memory of Dawn Levin, you made the world a sweeter more compassionate place. Your spirit will be missed but you will live on with us forever.

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